Thursday, November 12, Day 390, Week 56, Month 13
My health continues to be on the slow downgrade, with my weight continuing to fall off (I now weigh a whopping 124 pounds), the edema (water retention) in my feet and legs continuing to build, nausea continuing to be a nuisance, and so on.
Today has been a so-so day, with pain the issue of the day. My pain has been running at about 5 on the 10-Scale, so I have been hitting the bolus about once every hour or two. The pain is not like the old blockages, but is sharp, constant, and running mid-line abdomen. I rousted out of the sack this "morning" at 11:30 am. I felt like I really could have slept longer . . .
There is a list of recordings I want to do, Christmas lights to organize and get Alex psyched up to put in the yard this year. We are scaling back the lights to a much decreased statement in our yard. This has been a really hard thing for me to let go of. I know in the future I will not be here doing the project- it is just that the idea . . . . There are so many of those "ideas" that are becoming harder and harder to let go of; Christmas lights, the landscaping, video/picture scanning and organization, and so on. This "disconnect" from every day living that my imminent death is causing is weird and in many ways inconceivable. I am going along on some regular project or thought process, then boom, the entire process or project is irrelevant because I am dying.
We continue to persevere in our daily activities. We are sustained and supported in our efforts by your prayers, your fasting, and your interest in our well being. I will continue to decline. My death is getting close. It may come in a couple of months or a couple of weeks. No one in the medical field can tell us when, as it is different for every person. They can only tell us what symptoms to look for as things progress. We pray for faith and courage to face the challenges that lie ahead. We are taking each day as it comes and trying to find joy and happiness in it and in this journey. Thanks for your love- and know that we love you!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
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15 comments:
Thank you for your update. You continue to be in my prayers. I wish you didn't have to suffer through this. May the Lord bless you.
Dearest, dearest, so sorry you do your disconnect in such pain. Were you older you would still be doing the disconnect but hopefuly with less pain and more mental stress. As I have closed out the shop and closed down the concrete company we have both had to look at things and say am I really done with that? Where you know you are through we have still to come to that realization. Worldly things we have dearly loved and enjoyed are in the way now and a burden to take care of but yet we hesitate to let them go because, heaven forbid, someday we might feel young enough to enjoy them again. No I don't want to do any of it over again just clean up the leftovers and go on. A water color instructor once said that the trick to success is knowing when its done. You could keep painting forever but if you do that to a watercolor it looses is brightness and becomes muddy. I think a lot of us look at muddy days because we don't know when we are through and clean up, frame it up, and hang it up. You are such an organizer, planner and doer you manage to avoid a lot of stress the rest of us wade through. We love you all, pray for peace and comfort for you all, and joy in the Thanksgiving and Christmas spirit that you have stayed to part of once again. Ever our hero. Blessings of every kind to you.
Dear Loser Family, I have been following your blog since your story was in The Daily Herald. I turn my computer on each day when I get to work and check your blog to see what's new. When we went to Hawaii this past May I had read your Hawaii posts and we had to try some of the same places you had been because you made them sound so wonderful, and they were in fact as you said. I am so sorry you are having to suffer so much (all of you) I am a wife and I know when my husband suffers so do I. We all know some day we will return to heavenly Father but how we have to return is often not an easy task. Thank you for sharing your story for giving all of us friends, family, or strangers, a reason to live a better life to be more thoughtful and kind and to appreciate all we have and not take any of our blessing for granted and most of all keeping a sense of humor when we are faced with challenges. Im sorry you are facing this challenge, but I want to thank you for providing so many lessons on love and faith to those of us who read your blog. I pray for the peace and comfort you and your family so very much deserve. sincerely, Leslie Gordon
Dear Dear Rick and Michelle:
How we love you both!!! The thought of your "reporting" (as your sweet mother put it) to your Heavenly Father is coming soon, brings tears to our eyes. It is hard to really understand the feelings you two are having. Although our testimonies are strong, we are sorry you will be separated so soon. We wish we could make this better for you. Rick, we will be here for Michelle. We will not forget her as life passes by. Thank you for the thirty years of friendship and constant teasing and love. Now, go take a nap!!!!
xoxoxoxoxo
Ned and Barbara
Your inspiration is contagious and you have such a wonderful family that I know all of your christmas lights, gardening and organizational ideas have been handed to your children and they will do a wonderful job of keeping it going throughout the years for you and for them. Love ya, Timmerie
There is going to be plenty of organizing and beautifying and hard work to be done by you at some point in the future - take peace in knowing that this is your time to rest and reflect, not plan. You and Michelle have done such an incredible job preparing your family for this by teaching them from birth how to work and to play - what better gift can parents give their children than that? In addition to teaching your own children, you have taught so many others the same, and I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned from you and your family. I pray that you will somehow find relief from your pain so that you can rest while you're here.
With love,
Katrina (Aguilar) Hill
Thank you for your post Rick. I'm so thankful I have a way to stay connected from far away. I love and miss you all!
My love and prayers are with you all as well. Thank you for the influence that you've had on my family and me, not only when we all lived in West Valley, but through your blog as well. We feel your testimony in every word you write. May our loving Heavenly Father continue to watch over and bless each of you in this journey. I know He will!
Dearest Friends, I know the following prayer was uttered by the Prophet Joseph and was directly answered to him, but I think if you read as if He were speaking directly to you, regarding your suffering, you may find comfort in these powerful words. “O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall thy hand be stayed…before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them? O Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven, earth, and seas, and of all things that in them are…Remember thy suffering saints, O our God; and thy servants will rejoice in thy name forever. My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” D&C 121:1-8
God loves you of which I know you know for certain. We cannot see the end from the beginning, but He does. Faith is virtue, faith is confidence, faith is comfort in times of great trial. May your faith in Him and His plan be strong and unwavering and may it bear you up always.
Hugs and Kisses,
Tracy & Jill
Love you.
Dear Rick and Family
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for the update. We are so blessed in our knowledge of the gospel and how we can have some sort of peace knowing our Heavenly Fathers' Plan of Salvation. Your family is a great example to all. We love you.
Mike and Mary Vizina
Loser family:
Elder Holland spoke at a funeral several weeks ago. He said "some of us act as if we are going to stay here... BUT... we aren't, we can't and we won't." Can't you just hear him saying that in order to teach us a principle to remember why we are truly here. I found it absolutely profound. Rick, I also am striving to remember what really has to be done and to let go of those things that won't matter when I leave this earth. You have given me a glimpse of that this past year. You have shown all of us that it is family and the relationships that we have built with our Heavenly Father and loved ones that are the only things that are important. I continue to appreciate your example and lesson in life of this very thing.
I continue to pray for you and your darling family.
All my love,
Pana Lou
p.s. my Andrew comes home on Wednesday.... and you know about that journey... :-)
Just wanted you to know we are thinking about you. You guys are an inspiration to me. Our prayers are with you all. Love you
Dearest Bishop Loser and Family,My heart goes out for you, your wife and all your family. words cannot express how I feel,all I know that God lives and love us. We all know this is not home but its still hard to live our love ones here, all I know that God will make it up when we do his will.. Thank you for your example for blessing my family. much pray and love to you and Michelle.
Haven't seen the green light late at night for some time. Hopin the pain is at least somewhat controlled and your beginning to feel at peace with the bucket lists. Enjoy the sights,smells, and sounds of Thanksgiving.
Love and blessings to you and your family dear Bishop Loser, ever faithful servant of the Lord.
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