Sunday, November 22, 2009 Day 400, Week 57, Month 13 Since Diagnosis
I had a healthy reality check last week on Wednesday. It came in the form of cold, pain, and taking some things for granted. We made the mistake of testing the medications to see how intense the pain really is. By the time we got the pain back under control it was, PAIN = 8, Nausea = 8. I was experiencing withdrawals, and was miserable for about 10 to 12 hours. I learned that I am probably worse off than I thought with regards to the pain overall, and that this pump set-up is serving me very, very well!
I am also having more and more Dear Liza moments, you know the song and scenario- "There's a hole in the bucket Dear Liza, Dear Liza . . . ." Where there is task after task waiting to be done and a failing memory makes even remembering the tasks a challenge let alone how to perform the task. It is happening with medications, insurance, finances, etc. It is just UNBELIEVABLE! It seems like every week I am losing more of my memory and reasoning capability. I find myself standing in a room, sometimes with something in my hand and cannot remember why I am there or what I am doing. Then the discovery moment happens and I recall the steps I had been taking before and after this Dear Liza delirium moment. Sometimes I feel so foolish, even though nobody else is around or knows of my personal embarrassment.
BUT THE REALITY EXPERIENCE is the birth of Brigham John Loser. My visit last night consisted of mostly sobbing in recognition that I have survived my gall bladder cancer long enough to see with my earthly eyes and hold in my earthly arms my second "miracle" grandson. I am blessed beyond my ability to explain and comprehend by a kind, wise, loving Heavenly Father. He knows my needs and my wants and He blesses me with that which I need, and also with that which "brightens the eye and gladdens the heart". My family loves me and is still patient with this poor patient. Our families (Extended Family, R-Family, Neighborhood Family, Ward Family, Friend Families, Etc.) continue to love, serve, and sustain us.
My eyes continue to be bright and my heart is glad beyond belief.
I had a healthy reality check last week on Wednesday. It came in the form of cold, pain, and taking some things for granted. We made the mistake of testing the medications to see how intense the pain really is. By the time we got the pain back under control it was, PAIN = 8, Nausea = 8. I was experiencing withdrawals, and was miserable for about 10 to 12 hours. I learned that I am probably worse off than I thought with regards to the pain overall, and that this pump set-up is serving me very, very well!
I am also having more and more Dear Liza moments, you know the song and scenario- "There's a hole in the bucket Dear Liza, Dear Liza . . . ." Where there is task after task waiting to be done and a failing memory makes even remembering the tasks a challenge let alone how to perform the task. It is happening with medications, insurance, finances, etc. It is just UNBELIEVABLE! It seems like every week I am losing more of my memory and reasoning capability. I find myself standing in a room, sometimes with something in my hand and cannot remember why I am there or what I am doing. Then the discovery moment happens and I recall the steps I had been taking before and after this Dear Liza delirium moment. Sometimes I feel so foolish, even though nobody else is around or knows of my personal embarrassment.
BUT THE REALITY EXPERIENCE is the birth of Brigham John Loser. My visit last night consisted of mostly sobbing in recognition that I have survived my gall bladder cancer long enough to see with my earthly eyes and hold in my earthly arms my second "miracle" grandson. I am blessed beyond my ability to explain and comprehend by a kind, wise, loving Heavenly Father. He knows my needs and my wants and He blesses me with that which I need, and also with that which "brightens the eye and gladdens the heart". My family loves me and is still patient with this poor patient. Our families (Extended Family, R-Family, Neighborhood Family, Ward Family, Friend Families, Etc.) continue to love, serve, and sustain us.
My eyes continue to be bright and my heart is glad beyond belief.
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23 comments:
Congratulations Grandpa!!! He is beautiful and I am so glad you are here to love and enjoy and hold that little angel! What a blessing to him, also, to get to be held in your earthly arms. We are so blessed that you have been blessed to stay and bless our lives. How we love you---and how you have blessed us.
We love you!
That is a VERY cute baby. And Richard, a lot of us have those Dear Liza moments even without medications and all that. It was nice to read your update again. We love you. Sheryl and Rick Dame
Such a sweet and special experience for you...these little people born into our lives are little treasures sent straight from Heaven...enjoy this special time!Happy Thanksgiving to you and your beautiful family!
OH!! I am so happy for you to find this beautiful ray of sunshine! He is truly a little miracle. Richard, be patient with yourself. Your family and friends love you very much. This is a path that you have never been on before. Don't forget that. The Lord is by your side always. I will be up to see you next week! I will call before I come. Lots of love and have a peaceful Thanksgiving!
Congratulations Grandpa all over again. So thankful you were able to snuggle that beautiful little new Loser baby and love him and just bask in him. I was told Dear Lizas are chemo moments but what happened? The chemo went away and the moments come more often. I do hope that is the last time you have to test the medication and can now just have faith that it is your best friend and it allows you to make the most of every possible good moment with your loved ones so dear. Richest Blessings to you and yours. Love you all
What a beautiful little grandson! A blessing from Heaven to be sure! I'm so glad you are getting to know him and hold him and let him feel of your love for him. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family!
Happy Thanksgiving! We have a tablecloth we write our blessings on each year (fun to read back--kids too little to write draw pictures--even funnier!)and today I thought how grateful we are to have friends and examples like all of you. You are always in our hearts and prayers. Hang in there and know how blessed you are to have pain medicine. USE IT! There is no shame in trying to stay as comfortable as possible. NO MORE EXPERIMENTS PLEASE! This is no time to be "superman".You are already a hero to all of us anyway! Such a cute baby grandson--the legacy goes on...sure love you.
Thinking of you on this Thanksgiving Day. We marvel at your capability to see the blessings in the midst of the trials in your life. Thank you for sharing the intimate moments with such candor. We love you and pray for you.
Hugs and Kisses, Tracy & Jill
Such a beautiful baby and a sweet sweet event our Heavenly Father let you be here to be apart of. We love you Rick. We are grateful you are in our lives and such a beautiful example of keeping the faith.
XOXOXOXO
Ned and Barbara
Don't worry about the forgetfulness I have the same problem without the pain and meds. Hang in there.
It will say "Dad says" buy this is from Kerry and Dee Dee
Congratulations Losers! What a beautiful baby! We continue to follow you on this blog, so thank you so much for updating it when you can. We sure love and think about you a lot!
I have been following your story since it was in the Daily Herald. Having never met you I marvel at the strength you and your family have. I enjoy your updates and check them everyday. That new baby is so lucky to held and feel of your love here on earth. He is also very beautiful. Your attitude and faith are so inspiring, you are very special. In reading the comments from your friends as well as reading your blog, I realized how lucky they all are to have associated with you and your wife. May God bless you and your sweet wife, and the rest of your family, for you have truely blessed mine.
I know how much we grandparents are a little partial about our beautiful grandbabies but I have to admit, this little guy is the cutest newborn ever. He has the most beautiful little face. (sorry Adam, I know that boys aren't supposed to be beautiful but he is!)Great job once again and Congratulations you guys! Being a grandparent is the best and I am so happy for you Rick, that you got to experience even one more of God's bleesing here on Earth!
Dear Loser Family,
You do not know me. My very dear friends are Colleen and Terry Hughes. They have always talked so fondly about your family and I have followed your story. I am so inspired by your strength and testimonies. Thank you so much for showing all of us what life is really about. May God continue to bless your family!
Richard,
What a marvelous thing those grandbabies are. He is beautiful. I have not seen a shot of Cam as an infant but this little one reminds me of Cameron. He seems to have very distinct features for a newborn. Congrats.
"The works of God continue,
And worlds and lives abound;" (If you could hie to Kolob v3)
You are in our prayers always.
Love Todd
the little guy is straight from heaven. it is a sign that you needed to see him. Rick dont worry about your dear liza minutes. I used to be undecided, but now I'm not so sure! :)
the little guy is straight from heaven. it is a sign that you needed to see him. Rick dont worry about your dear liza minutes. I used to be undecided, but now I'm not so sure! :)
You don't know me... I am Sher Parcell and I work in the Response Center at RA. DeeDee trained me in Aug of 2008 and I have worked there since. I have only met you twice and I stopped you both times to tell you what strength I draw from your faith and ordeal. I recently stopped you at the funeral of B.J. Benson because Bryan Benson is my husband's cousin and I too am an ex-addict and my husband worked with B.J. as well. I just wanted you to know that you don't know me but I feel like I know you and the short time I have read your stories, I have laughed with you, cried with you and celebrated life with you. Each time you post another milestone I cheer for you. This is a beautiful Grandson, you are blessed. You are an inspiration to me though I don't even know you. You must have known the Benson family well and I just wanted you to know that your testimony serves as a strength to me everyday. I hope you and your family are getting all the support you need in your difficult time. You and your family are in our prayers. -Sher
Think of you all the time and wishing you the best, our love and prayers are with you.
Hugs & Kisses,
Tracy & Jill
LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!
xoxoxoxo
Ned and Barbara
I cannot come to a Christmas season, when thoughts and feelings of our Savior are so close to the surface, and not hear in my my mind again your most wonderful testimony of Him. Thank you. Love you. Please be blessed to enjoy the season. Love you and yours
very congratulations Rick! awesome grandson you have got and i'm glad he is feeling your love and blessings too. you are an inspiration to me in many ways and may god and his grace be upon you and your family. Renee & Ashley Suvarna
Congratulations on your adorable grandson. He really is beautiful! Words just don't seem adequate to tell you how much we admire you, love you, and want to support you. It is amazing how many lives you've touched, without even knowing many of these people. That is the power of living a good life. Your whole family is such a great example to us. We hope that you'll all be blessed to enjoy this holiday season together. We pray that you'll always know how loved and cared for you are. All our best, Karl and Kimberli
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